I Know What It’s Like to Be Dead opened with a line so strange
“Sexual arousal’s complex,” okay
And suddenly I’m sitting there thinking
“This movie’s about to alter my brain”
Black-and-white ghosts and underground sounds
Dead-eyed boys just hanging around
Art film energy, cigarette haze
Like somebody filmed a fever dream in a basement for days
And somewhere between the static glow
And all that melancholy slow-mo
I had one undeniable thought
That I know is probably my fault
If you like The Beatles, you’re gay
I don’t make the rules that way
Something about those sad boy harmonies
Turns every man into a walking tragedy
If you like The Beatles, babe
Welcome to the queer parade
No research, no evidence displayed
Just vibes, and honestly? They’re airtight today
The whole thing felt like postmortem lust
Art school boys dissolving into dust
Then out of nowhere — nightmare fuel
Ronald Reagan jumpscare, absolutely cruel
One second I’m vibing, half undead
Next second Reagan’s in my head
Cold sweat, television glow
History’s the scariest horror show
Nothing kills a mood so fast
Like an ‘80s conservative flashback
If you like The Beatles, you’re gay
I don’t make the rules that way
Something about those sad boy harmonies
Turns every man into a walking tragedy
If you like The Beatles, babe
Welcome to the queer parade
No research, no evidence displayed
Just vibes, and honestly? They’re airtight today
Maybe death and desire
Always dance together
Maybe loneliness sounds best
Through lo-fi British records forever
If you like The Beatles, you’re gay
Case closed, lock the file away
And if you quote obscure art films too
Baby, the allegations double for you
If you like The Beatles, babe
Come lie dramatically in the shade
Existential dread never looked so chic
Till Reagan popped up and ruined the scene